What is self-confidence?
Self-confidence is an attitude about your abilities and skills, meaning you trust yourself, accept yourself, feel positive about yourself, have a sense of control, and have a positive view of yourself. I struggled with this for a long time.
The Story Of My Life
I used to be a person who felt good whenever I left my house, believing that I was unstoppable. Today, I feel great, I am confident in myself when I go to work, shops, events, or the mall. If I find another beautiful woman, I will immediately shrink. This is what I call a negative mindset or canceling mindset.
What is this negative or canceling mindset?
Is it the mindset that makes you shrink in the presence of:
- Someone who is more successful.
- Someone who has more money.
- Someone more beautiful.
- Someone who is more confident than you are.
I have realized that a lot of people have the same negative or canceling mindset; they don’t even know that they have it. This kind of mindset can make you jealous of people around you, or even worse, make you have insecurities, so it is not a very good mindset to have. A negative or canceling mindset is how you respond to situations; it does not mean that you are a bad person, even though a lot of people cannot admit that they have a negative mindset.
Understanding Negative Mindset
A negative mindset acts as an emotional signal, reflecting how a situation makes you fell internally. Whether you are happy or sad, or they are good or bad, they will still deliver the message to you, and that appears as either a positive or negative mindset. A lot of us have this mindset because we are programmed, especially as women, we compete a lot, and we don’t accept ourselves the way we are.
Example
- If we have the most beautiful girl in the same room, when men pay attention to her, you feel small.
- Why do you feel small?
- Is it because of the negative or canceling mindset I spoke about?
Overcome Negative Mindset
The flip side of the example will be:
“Oh, we have two beautiful girls in the room.” This, on its own, will lift your confidence, meaning your emotional messages will send a positive mindset. Please note that the very same girl in the room does not take anything from you; if you are talented, you will remain talented.
How to Rebuild Confidence
Confidence is not something you are born with; it is something that you build. It is like any other skill that you can develop with consistency and effort.
Example
Small achievable goals that push you slightly outside your comfort zone, such as
- Speaking up in a meeting.
- Starting a conversation with a stranger.
- Trying a new activity.
Every time you accomplish such a task, please celebrate it because it adds value to yourself, and it can encourage you to know that you are capable of more than you think. You can also write them down to track your progress; this helps strengthen your belief in yourself.
The Power of Self-Talk
Pay attention to how you speak to yourself.
Ask yourself questions like,
- Am I too critical?
- Do I doubt my abilities?
- Start replacing those negative thoughts with a positive mindset. For example, instead of saying, “I am not good enough,”
Try this:
I am improving every day.
Of course, it won’t happen overnight, but with time and consistency, it will strengthen your belief in your potential.
Grow Your Confidence
Challenge yourself to take risks, but make it reachable. Maybe volunteer to present at a meeting or take a leadership role, because it will make you share your ideas publicly or tackle a task you have been avoiding. Let us see discomfort as an opportunity to build resilience. Every time you face fear or discomfort, you prove to yourself that you are stronger than you thought.
Be in a Positive Environment
Pay attention to your surrounding, your confidence is greatly influenced by the people and things in your immediate vicinity. Spend time with individuals who inspire and motivate you, who see you develop.
Reduce your exposure to negativity, whether:
- The relationship is poisonous.
- Self-doubt-inducing social media.
- Or anything else that drains your energy.
Surround yourself with positivity.
My Confidence
My confidence comes from realizing that I have been through setbacks and I am still here, and if I am still here, I believe that there is a purpose for my life, and so I am confident in the purpose that remains regardless of what I have gone through, and so I lean into it instead of being just caught up in all of the shame that I once felt. It is about what is left for me to do on earth, and I believe that it is valuable.
This is not about thinking that you are better than everyone else. If you stop measuring your worth against other people, you start seeing your own unique path more clearly. Everyone’s fighting different battles and celebrating different victories; real confidence comes from knowing yourself and being comfortable.
Final Thoughts
Reinforce the progress you have made and keep yourself motivated to continue growing.
Here is the truth about building confidence:
Confidence is not built overnight. Give yourself some time, be patient, and use the strategies that will work best for you. Confidence is not all about perfection, but consciously, all the steps you take add up, creating a foundation of self-belief that becomes unshakeable over time.
So make this decision today:
- Start where you are, use what you have, and take action.
- Focus on small wins and reframe your thoughts.
- Realize just how much you have grown, and that growth is yours to keep for life.